Are you a coffee lover? Do you love a good joke? If so, we have the perfect post for you! We’re not talking about punchline jokes, but jokes that revolve around coffee. They are mostly pun-based, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad or cheesy.
These jokes are super entertaining and funny. If you like to crack up on silly things and find joy in small details and things, this article is for you. Keep reading to learn more and get your daily dose of laughs with these hilarious coffee jokes!
Best coffee jokes
- If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
- Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously
- What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.
- Why did the coffee go to jail? It was grounds for arrest!
- What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be!
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A brew-hoo.
- Why do they call coffee mud? Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
- How are coffee beans like kids? They’re always getting grounded!
- What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging!
- How does a tech guy drink coffee? He installs Java!
- How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- Why did the coffee call 911? It had an espresso emergency.
- Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
- How are coffee beans like kids? They’re always getting grounded!
- If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
- Coffee is the most important meal of the day
- Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt! That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
- Where do birds go for coffee? To the NESTcafe
- What do you call a group of hipster baristas? Espresso Yourself!
- Soup of the day: Coffee.
- What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
- Why did the coffee join the choir? It had a latte of talent.
- There are two types of people in this world: People who love Starbucks and liars.
- Hold the sugar please, you’re sweet enough for the both of us.
- Why did the coffee join the circus? It wanted to be a high-wire act.
- What’s the difference between an introverted and extroverted coffee? The introverted coffee needs to be brewed before it speaks.
- A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,” The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
- What did the barista’s Valentine say? I can’t espresso my love for you.
- How are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
- How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
- What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work? Break fluid
- What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before? Déjà brew
- What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? A: “What’s Sumatra with you?”
- A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
- A pair of jumper cables walk into a cafe. The barista sees them and says, “I’m sorry but I’ll have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you starting anything in here.”
- A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”
- Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso? It’s a cheap shot.
- Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company? It can make for a strong and heated debate.
- What do you call a coffee that’s always on time? A punctual-perk.
- KNOCK, KNOCK! (COFFEE’S HERE)
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A guy that just had 4 shots of espresso!
A guy th—
Now you say, “a guy that just had 4 shots of espresso who?”
- New word: Procaffeinating (n). – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.
- A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
- Why did the espresso keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
- Did you hear about the cow that gave birth? It was de-calf-inated.
- Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.
- What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
- What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it was mugged.
- How does a coffee lover hit on a woman? I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
- What did the coffee lover name his son? Joe, obviously.
- What did the caffeine addict name his cats? Cream and Sugar.
- How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee? You channel surf faster without the remote.
- How does the serial killer like his coffee? How he likes his women—all ground up.
- Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee? Because according to the Torah, He Brews!
- How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage? One person think its grounds for divorce.
- What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore? Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
- How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee? The Bible clearly says “He-brews”
- What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut!
- How do you make Pig Jerky? Give them some coffee.
- What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common? They’re only good if they’re rich!
- How is coffee better than a woman? It goes down way easier.
- What did the horny woman say about her coffee? That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
- Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup? He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
- “Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”
“Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
- People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning. No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
- I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?” She replied, “Yeah…” “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.”
- I like my men like I like my coffee *sips tea*
- I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Now everyone waves at me
- Bad news: I spilled coffee on my keyboard. Good news: It’s all under control
- A man walks into a cafe and orders a coffee
The waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
- John is drinking a cup of coffee.
Man: Why are you drinking so much coffee John?
John: do you know why my grandfather lived to his late nineties.
Man: mm, cuz he used to drink lots of coffee.
John: no, cuz he used to mind his own damn business.
- A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?”
“He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”
- What’s that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream? Everyone I ask can’t remember either.
- Why do communists drink coffee? Because proper tea is theft!
- How does Harvey Dent take his coffee? With half & half
- Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today…Will get a free Venti later
- To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot. I don’t know how you sleep at night
- Wife: “Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?” Husband: “You said you needed k cups.”
- I told the woman in Starbucks to make a coffee for my girlfriend.
“How strong?”
“Well,” I replied. “I could definitely take her in a fight.”
- Drinking coffee may reduce the chances of getting Alzheimer’s. Never heard that one before
- What does coffee share in common with Ginger Baker (drummer)? They both suck without CREAM
- Coffee spelled backward
- Did you know that coffee spelled backward is Eeffoc, and I don’t give EEFFOC until I’ve had my first cup!
- Just got to get this off my chest…. I’m getting sick and tired of people complaining about the price of things, $2.70 for coffee, $1.50 a cookie, $4.00 an hour for parking.
- If I hear any more moaning.. I’m stopping inviting people to my house.
- Two women were sitting around talking about the men in their life. Once said, “…men are all alike!” The other said, “…men are all I like too!”
- Downloaded that apP where you post your location when you’re drinking a good cup of coffee, I think it’s called Grinder. The real plus is that I haven’t paid for a single cup yet! The fellas around here are just so friendly.
- I like my education just like my hot coffee. No ICE.
- Two days ago I was trying to make a coffee in the morning but had no water. Instead of water I used RedBull to make my coffee… long story short, when I got to work realized I forgot my car
- An ISS astronaut says to his colleague, “I can’t find any milk for my coffee.” His friend replies, “In space no one can. Here, use cream.”
- A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician are sitting outside drinking coffee and people watching.
The notice two people walk into a building, and a few minutes later the same two people walk out accompanied by a third person.
“They’ve multiplied!” exclaims the biologist.
The engineer says, “nonsense, that doesn’t happen that quickly, it must have been a rounding error”
The mathematicians says “look, we can’t know how that third person got there, but what we do know is that if one person enters the building it will be empty again.”
- A man says to his waiter, ‘Excuse me sir, this coffee is cold’ The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’ll make a note on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro more’.How do they get coffee to the arctic? The Polar Espresso
- My waiter just spilled coffee all over me. I know it was just an accident, but I’m still bitter.
- My husband died after falling into a giant vat of coffee at work. He didn’t suffer, it was instant.
- I want to create a petition to switch the names of Mango and Coffee. Because Coffee makes Man go
- After a great late-night cup of coffee, the wife posted on Facebook, “Satisfied!”. The husband woke up to a barrage of congratulatory messages.
- I like my coffee like Hamilton liked the source of his income. Black, and made by my wife.
- My husband has left me because I’m insecure. Oh no he’s back, he just went to get coffee 🙂
- What happened when Moses banged his shin into the corner of the coffee table? HE-BRUISED IT!!
- I like my death metal like I like my coffee. Dark and with lots of Meshuggah.
- Where do Russians buy their coffee? Tsarbucks
- Marijuana and coffee are my favorite combination. They’re the reason ice mocha lot of weed
- When should you stop pouring milk into the coffee? Before it is too latte
- A man is sitting outside enjoying his morning coffee when he notices his neighbor jumps off his horse, walks behind him, lifts up his tail, and kisses him right where the sun don’t shine…
Curious, he walks over to his neighbor and asked him,”Excuse me Bob, did you just do what I thought you did.”
“What might that be?”his neighbor answers back.
“Well near as I can tell, it looks like you hopped off old Bessie here, walk behind her, lifted up her tail, and kissed her right where the sun don’t shine!”
“Oh that.Well I have chapped lips.”his neighbor answers back.
“Well does that heal them?”he asks.
“No,but it sure keeps me from licking them.”
- Every time I drank coffee I would get this sharp pain in my eye… I’ve started taking the spoon out now.
- When I drink coffee I can’t sleep.
Really? I have the exact opposite.
Wow, seriously?
Yes, when I sleep I can’t drink coffee.
- Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf? He likes the high grounds.
- Why did the coffee refuse to give a speech? It was too jittery.
- When my 5 year old son asked me what coffee tastes like; I said, “Unfortunately, not as good as it smells.” And he said, “Oh. Like shampoo.”
- A chemist wants to open up a coffee shop. When the FDA comes to check his facility, they ask about his coffee recipe. He says, “I’m not like these other coffee shops. My coffee is made using pure science! One part carbon monoxide and 2 parts iron.”
- Who has the thickest coffee? App developers. They like their Java GUI.
- What do you call a coffee that’s been kidnapped? A kip-nap-puccino.
- My sister gave me some of her homemade exfoliating genital scrub to try. Made with 100% Arabica coffee grounds. I said I hope it doesn’t keep me up all night.
- I finally leveled up my coffee game. All that grinding was worth it.
- Why did the coffee have to go to the principal’s office? It was caught brewing trouble.
- I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself… I really need to wash some mugs.
- Searching for coffee? Just look down. Chances are it’ll be ground.
- The worst cases of the coronavirus are from coffee lovers. They couldn’t stop caffeine
- If you say “Pumpkin Spice Latte” into a mirror three times, a white girl in yoga pants will appear and tell you all her favorite things about fall.
- Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee? Because they have Italian titles for everything!
- What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic. Sanka What did the doctor say when a baby was born holding a Starbucks latte? “Its a white girl.”
- Why do I not like hot drinks? It’s just not my cup of tea.
- What do you call a baby calf that’s lost his head? De-calf
- Why did the coffee break up with its boyfriend? He was a real drip.
- What do you call Java that won’t stop brewing? Stand your ground coffee.
- Why do white women prefer black coffee? Because they can take black coffee home to their parents!
- Starbucks or Victoria Secrets?…..Who charges more per cup?
- ‘Ever notice that when you serve someone a cold cup of coffee, it makes them boiling mad?
- The worst part of waking up (from a nap), is Folgers in your lap!
- Yo mama so stupid she thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team.
- Why did the coffee become an actor? It was looking for a latte of attention.
- \hat do you call two coffee mugs in love? A perfect blend.
There’s nothing like a hot mug of caffeinated goodness to get you through the day. Whether you prefer your coffee black or with a bit of cream, there are few things that can compare to the taste and smell of a cup of java.
Unless, of course, you take it as the perfect opportunity to crack some jokes! A little bit of humor goes a long way in bringing people together. Say what you will about coffee and its ability to keep us awake – but these coffee jokes will definitely make your next coffee break even better.
There you have it. All the coffee jokes that you can use! As always, we will constantly look for new jokes we can add to this best coffee jokes list!
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Disclosure: No compensation or free products were received in exchange for writing this review.
Editorial Staff
The editorial staff at Crazy Coffee Crave is a team of coffee enthusiasts & Baristas who enjoy the one thing we all think about as soon as we get up in the morning. Trusted by thousands of readers worldwide.
